Thank You Letters to Our Sperm Donors

CCB has given me the chance to be a mommy and I am forever grateful. My husband and I began last year with the devastating news that we could not have children and thanks to your amazing service you have given us our hopes and dreams of a full and happy future. Your research and information is very thorough and extremely comforting in a time in our lives when we weren't sure of what we were going to do. Thank you again, this was the most unselfish gift a stranger could ever give of themselves and it has restored my faith in humanity. Good luck to anyone who is thinking about taking this journey, it is so fulfilling and it has made every bumpy part of this journey worthwhile and we are grateful.

For four years my husband and I have tried to start our family. We tried many avenues and were unsuccessful in every single one. You see- my husband had a vasectomy, which we had reversed within our first year of marriage. The doctor was sure that we would be pregnant in no time. We were optimistic and hopeful for many months. Every month it would come time to test, and every month our hearts broke. We then tried to adopt a child. We went through all of the paperwork, and hoops that they wanted us to go through, and were never called for a child. Finally we looked into the sperm bank. I put in all of my husband’s attributes, and there you were. You were the first one that we looked at, and the one we eventually picked.

Two months later we had the IUI procedure done with your sperm. We had hoped that this would work. We could only wait the 10 days to test and know for sure. I knew within 7 days that I was pregnant. I didn't even need to take a test at 10 days, but I did. So the last four years had come down to one defining moment in our lives: the pregnancy test. I had known already, but needed to confirm, and it was positive. The four years of struggles, and heartbreaks were all wiped away by that positive pregnancy test, and finally our dreams had come true.

Our baby girl is expected to arrive in late august. We are so thrilled. We cannot thank you enough. You have made our dream a reality, and have mended our broken hearts.

Thank you so much.

Thank you. The words seem so small, so trite, so commonplace. But they are the words that we have.

I love my wife with all of my heart and it pains me that we can't physically create 'our' child. But love makes a family, not biology. When we saw that your hair color matched mine and that we both studied business and theater and that you were healthy like an ox, we knew you were the one. But we kept looking, thinking it can't be that easy. We can't have agreed that quickly. And yet, we kept coming back to you. You're quirky and smart. You're talented and pragmatic. You're a lot like me. Or at least, the you in my head is a lot like me.

Even if we had never gotten pregnant, it doesn't matter. The Thank You doesn't go away. For whatever reason - be it financial, emotional, or both - you decided to give the gift of life, of promise, of hope, of family.

Thank you.

Our twins have not yet taken their first breaths but I can finally take one of my own. I have been trying to get pregnant using various methods for the past few years. During those few years I have gone through many life changes and am now settled in with a wife and a step-son, our 3 cats and a dog. During that time I felt an emptiness that existed even during our happiest moments.

My mother tells me that from the time I was able to walk I would be in my stroller in the mall and notice another baby drop their bottle- I would climb out and go over to give the other baby their bottle. It didn't even matter if the baby was bigger or older than me. I wanted a baby from the very first moment.

Along the way I have learned a lot about dermoids, PCOS, and the many trials and tribulations of becoming a lesbian parent, legally, financially and otherwise.

I once thought I would never be able to have my own children because of my lifestyle. Later I believed that I might never conceive because of health reasons. After that some of my hopes fell to the floor along with my heart when we learned of our first cycle of IVF was unsuccessful.

After many attempts, after exhausting many resources, after many hopes, prayers and some seemingly absurd, superstitious rituals…two amazing little lives are growing, stretching, and squirming. Two perfectly normal, healthy heartbeats sound like music. Two beautiful static filtered blobs on curly pieces of sonogram paper are starting to fill up an impatient scrapbook. For this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This is truly the most important gift of my life.

I tried to write you a letter once, near the end of my pregnancy. But, I couldn’t. There was nothing to say back then.

I didn’t know you.
I didn’t know me.
I wasn’t a mother.

And you were a still life photo of a nine year old boy with freckles and impish eyes, much like mine. And I just didn’t know you.

Not the way I know you now. Sixteen months later. Four hundred and fifty days later. Four hundred and fifty days that have felt like lifetimes and seconds at the same time. Four hundred and fifty days of being a mother, of knowing the world and my place in it. Four hundred and fifty magical days of watching my son’s little bird chest rise and fall in his crib at night. Four hundred and fifty days of wonder and amazement that the universe chose me to receive this gift. Four hundred and fifty days of meeting you through the person growing before our very eyes.

But, I didn’t know any of those things when I was pregnant.

My mom, the mother of six adopted children, says that you will get the children who were meant to be yours. And we got ours. Our beautiful, perfect, boy. And we got him because of you.

People always say, “There are no words”. And there aren’t. There are no words, except thank you. The kind of thank you that I didn’t know existed when I was pregnant and had nothing to say. The kind of thank you that gets stuck in your throat and hurts because you mean it so much.

Everything that we presently have in our life, we have because of you. Because you made a choice. Gave a gift. A choice you made in a single day changed our lives forever. And whether you know it or not, you aren’t a stranger. Not to us. We thank you with every day, with every kiss, and every perfect moment that we have because of you have given it to us.

You said in your audio interview that you made this choice because someone you love was created in a similar manner. You wanted to give that to someone else. Back then, I thought that was kind and noble of you and I was grateful. But I just didn’t know what I know now. I didn’t know that you would be giving me the whole world and everything in it.

You are young. You are single and unattached. But, I am sure one day, you will have a baby. In that instant when you become a father, you will realize the magnitude of what you have given me. In that moment, when you become two lives where there was one, you will understand what I mean now.

I am sitting here watching my beautiful son sleep so peacefully. I catch myself staring at him in pure amazement quite often. My son…I didn’t know if I would ever be able to say those two words together. My entire life I have known that I wanted children. It wasn’t until I was nineteen and realized that I was gay that fear entered my heart that my number one dream wouldn’t be able to come true unless I suppressed who I was and lived a life that would essentially be a lie. With every year that passed, my urge to have a child grew exponentially.

Almost three years ago I met my soul mate Kristen. I told her immediately that I wanted children and about a year later, together, we poured through donor profiles to find the perfect one….You…. Your wit and likeness to Kristen was an answer to our prayers. When the first vial was shipped and we opened it with pure excitement, we looked down at the date it was donated and it was May 28th, MY BIRTHDAY! We knew you were the one. We knew it would work. And we knew our child would be the most beautiful blessing we could ever hope for. He is six months old, perfect in every way, happy and he has your eyes. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

With sincere gratitude,

M

I can't even begin to thank you for being so selfless. I always wanted to have children. I always thought I would be a good mom, but as my life played out the opportunity never presented itself. After some difficult times, I decided that I wanted to have a family and I would make it work one way or another. This is where my journey began to find the perfect donor. You had everything I wanted: a great health record, the hair and eye coloring I was looking for, and you are very intelligent. In a few short months I was pregnant.

It’s been a little over a year since I have had my son. He is the greatest gift of my life and truly a blessing. He is a handsome, sweet, intelligent boy. I watch him do things or go through different stages and I say to myself "I wonder if he gets that from his donor dad."

I hope he will understand the decisions and choices I have made. As soon as he is old enough to understand I will tell him all about you and what a wonderful person you are and what a wonderful thing you did for us. I now have the family that I wanted and it’s all because of you.